It’s a little scared that time passed so quickly since my 2012’s annual review. It’s is 2014 at this moment and lots of things has changed in the past year.
It has been three days after i began typing this reviews. Maybe it is just another procrastination. I just don't want write this review.
At the new year eve,the last night of 2013 or the first midnight of 2014, many people posted and published their reviews on weibo,we chat,blog and some other platforms online.
I wrote a tweet said that" I has changed the machine time zone back tho UTC 0 to seek a little last time for writing my review.I do not want wrote short tweet with tags.Besides,I'd like write this in English,just as you may fell strange why follow 2012's zhuangbility again."
140 words is easy to wrote,easy to read but also easy to forget. A year's time is worth much than what 140 words could express.
To start with,I would tell what would i talk in next. It is about life,about work,about affection and love, about choice and change, about fear and future.
I want quote a lines from one of my favorite file "Miss little Sunshine" to begin the subject.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was.
I was impressed by Marcel Prous' "All those years suffered were the best years of life." In a certain way this quote has became a belief of my life.
Life was never like this late 2012 and 2013 for me. This year was really the worst time i ever had. Life sucks, school work sucks ,love sucks. So many days and nights i felt depressed and down down down. I am afraid of and messed by lots of bothering troubles.
The gap generated because of my half year's school break in 2012.I have a one total year delay for graduation which means i have to having classes in my 5th year of university.At the time while my classmates finish their school and finding job. I felt like i was left behind and was in failure.
I broke up with my girlfriend. This two years long relationship ran to the end with pity,regret and pain.
Some bad things happen in family, i got a strong feeling of shame which burden heavily on myself. I felt guilty for i had grown up and was a adult already but still can not take the responsibly of family.
Depression and pressure has dropped myself in the deep of life. I got a lot of unhappy time this year, I felt lost this year.
But it was also in this worst year, i found myself a path to peace. It was also in these fucking messing,annoying troubles. I struggled and kept on going on and grab the opportunity in life.
This is a year tortured me but also sharped me. This is a year made me down but also made me have a design to climp high and get higher.
Looking back to the past 2013. I just felt that this is worst as well as best year i had. I am not regret of what i choose and did in the past hundreds days.
War and Love is always a forever topic since the begining of human civilization. But when love became a war,for sure it was a disaster and not related much to forever sweet memorey.
For many reasons, misunderstanding or just bad lucky,wrong chat at a wrong time. My first love had a sad end in Feb this year. Though so many stories had told us what love might be in the end. It was still hard to realize it was true when myself faced the situation that not ever meet before.
I do not want talk much about that period. What has passed should be in past. It's not a good idea to talk much about other people especially people who was related before. All i could tell is that in that period what i did acted like a child. I was being helpless and childish.
It is hard to said that this was a valuable lesson or experience. I found myself many disadvantages in this two years relationship. Male chauvinist, not caring , not good at listening. I fail her and fail myself, i could be a nicer man.
Though it could be empiricist and said "Every one would have experience these in their youth and learned and grown up",i don't want said that. I just felt sorry for all about it. I believe the old saying that time would fade all these away, but all these memory would just exist some places inside. It was just here or there.
Something is bound to buried and not for touch.
About life && Work
Choosing a different path is also a way to be a little strange and tough. But i want to be a Front End Engineer and began learning Coding a year ago.
Now i am a intern in Kingsoft Inc. ,Beijing China.And got a Job already. Waiting for offical entry in this summer,2014.
Though what i experienced this year could shorten to a single title "Learn from zero,and finaly got a well paid Coding job in just One year". But this is not a motivational article about how a young and ego guy who got a nice and cool Cod job. It is just about a boy's learing and processing.
I major in public Administration in a top 50 University in China. Not that good wordwide but undoubtedly was aslo not bad in China.I am not a traditional good school boy depend on my poor GPA and unbehave in school.I got a gap year in 2012 for a half year working and half year travel around China. After returning back to school, i seriously thought the problem that what i realy liked and realy wanna to do in future.
After rationally thingking,i choose to be a Front End Enginner who do the code work of websites and web app. I got a self sense that i could did it in the beginning just because i could.
Though i am not a talent even could not talk to be a smart person, i still have a strong confidence in myself.
I was motived by the speech by Steve Jobs in Stanford University.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
Looking back to my 20 years life or for Precise 10 years' life. Different isolated dots in different period sharped nowadays me.
Being the President of Literature Society in Highschool. Wrote novels and made e-magazine in compture.
Meet Guoyu who is one of my best friend and member of Alipay's FE team,in my freshman year.
I watched hundreds of film and documentary, read variety of books in different topic and field. I had the habit of reading IT or internet news for 4 years.
I set my first blog of wordpress in a VPS just for fun. I kept on blogging for 7 years and follow the rules that create and share valuable information.
I did Social marketing jobs in 2012.Which taught me the skill of adver myself online and got my own influence.
All these single dots maybe was just start because of personal interest or fun from their single view .But All of them made a big difference on myself.
The sprites i learned from W. Somerset Maugham's "Of Human Bondage" and Film Forrest Gump which i had watched for times. People like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckbergs.
I learned from I read,watched. I made choice and decision by reason and follow my heart. I believe i could live different life. With internet expands to different industry and changed the world. Delaying for one more year is not that bad and it could gave me a buffer change my path to this bright new and young industry.
I went to Beijing this Oct and had a two month intern work In Kingsoft Inc. 's User Experience team.Which was well know for Clean Master and Battery Saver on Android in Internationl Mobile internet Market.Our Clean Master was the top 1 in US android app store and another 70% app market around worldwide.
Our UX team is A nice group with talent young people.These two month work helps me a lot. Thanks to all of my fellow and Colleague and leader. Thanks you , Jill and my boss.Thanks for gave me a opportunity to prove my potential and appreciate on me.
Back to this title. I want to talk about my regal life. I put much effect on learning and coding. For a period, i workd and coded day and night. Awake at noon time,went dirtily to library and spend more or less 10 hours in it.
I Just coding and coding. I quit those boring classes because i value the time i have. I want to make time more valuable,instead of wasting it in those boring and useless and not relevant classes.
It's not a good habit for awake and fell asleep like this. In the late 2012,with depress and pressure,my body responsed with unhealthy sign. The white hair appears,headache occupies,even my back bone and shoulder feels pain some times.
On a early month night early this year. I decided to set a goal for myself. I want run a marathon! And, i began run. Just like what forrest gump dif after a normal afternoon.
From the beginning,i practice for 5km,10 laps everyday. After days gathering,i increased the distance lap by lap,km by km. After a period I reached 10km, and i reached 20km.
I signed up for Guangzhou Male Full distance Marathon in Sep and finally ran a 30+km.Though because of my intern in Beijing. I missed this Marathon. I still think that i had reached the goal set in begin. Oh it has beyond my orignial goal which was just half way Marathon.
I am proud of what i did and the road i run. Thanks to running, my health got back. Pain is no longer exist. My physical ability got a great growth. Even my heart could found peace in running. I just love the feeling of breathing the air,feeling the hot and sweat of body during runing.
Let us talk about Reading.I taged myself as a literay guy. I love reading and enjoy the moment of reading,being leisure and relaxed.
I read more than 40 books this year.About one book per week. in average I had shared my reading list in my previous blog.
This is a fragful time.Tweet,weibo,wechat has tear our life into piece.We get used to 140 words and short paragraph.We read a lot but i am not sure that we could got that much. I am a weibo person before 2013. In 2013,i read less on internet on purpose. I had a reflection of these fragful information. I do not want put too many time on that. Bad things always happened in that fragful world. I read more books on kindle and more paper books than before.
It was said that Books are the stepping stones to human progress. I prefer to say that Books are the harbour of heart. With breeze breath and man in peace. Books help a lot.
Maybe is because of losing the person i valued. I valued people more than before. I am not a caring person. For a long time i just put eyes on myself instead of my families and friends. I am a selfish man.
But in 2013, i did a little change.What I felt strong mostly is that life can not live with out families and friend. It was these people that could accompany us in our hard time. It was these people who care us and give us a hand when we need a help.
I can't count how many lonely nights is those phone call or messages that gave me strength and hope back. Life is short, we do not have many friends to lose.This,i choose to show my feeling more. Making more calls to families and friends. I wrote lettle and long message to friends. I follow my close friend in wechat circle just because i want to know what my friends are doing recently. I want know their happiness as well as sadness. I am not a good speaker in this certain filed but i still want to listen more and speak more.
Thanks to my mum, though i dit not tell you something.I still need to thank you for your support to your naughty boy. Man is always the little boy before mum.
Thanks to my friends L or W. It was your guys who help me through those hard time. Maybe this is not a big deal for yours, but i want to mark these down because i value it.
I do have no idea about what would happen in this 2014.Many hard, messing things still stand ahead. I do not know whether could i go through all those challenge. School,work,love,family and whatever unknown.
During typing this review. I dropped my mind for times. I just can't write that much. So many thing happened which had numb my heart. Some words has been said by times and even myself got a little impatient about that. Maybe it was just said or express too many thing in weibo,wechat before.
I accepted the truth that i am not a nice guy. But i still got the idea that i ,will,is a person who has selfreflection and could always change and learned and improve itself.
More caring,more coding,more peace,more love. Hello, 2014.